Reflections and some goals

I recently started writing these Medium articles thanks to Rucha K who has a beautiful account where she writes cute articles that are a fun, informative, retrospective, just all the things. She told me what she likes to do is write for 15 minutes at a time and keep a list of things to write about. This is AMAZING advice. I was always scared to start writing since I thought it had to be this big thing and especially if I’m “publishing” it then I have to include all the stuff in it otherwise it won’t make sense. That does not really make sense as I’m not trying to write for other people; this is mainly for myself but I like the external aspect of it in order to hold myself accountable for writing things instead of leaving them in my head.

I’ve been faced with some situations this year in which I’ve had to confront and express my feelings and that is extremely hard for me to do. I was told to write things down and that has already helped me be better at it. My palms still get sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy when I have to do it, but at least I can compose my thoughts beforehand when I write them down so that when I spit out the garbled mess of words it is an organized chaos instead of just chaos. I’ve also witnessed the breakdown of a relationship due to a lack of proper communication and self awareness over years and that has taught me many lessons that I want to carry forward.

I’ve thought a lot about how important it is to know your audience when communicating. It can be difficult as you don’t always know how someone will react or what their personality is like until you have tested it out, but you won’t necessarily always test it out successfully…that’s the whole point of testing it out but you risk making them upset or not presenting something to them correctly. But that’s what testing something means…this is getting too circular.

Finding a balance between long and short term goals has been something I’ve worked on this year a lot, mainly through HackBeanpot, but I have found myself starting to apply this to ~life itself ~(title of a song by Glass Animals I am currently vibing too a lot — check it out 😜). I struggle with finding a focus on doing things. I tend to find interest in so many things, and then when I sit down to do something, I will focus for a bit and then I will get diverted to a new topic. It can become a problem when I don’t spend enough time on something that I kind of just lose it and have only a cursory knowledge and no expertise on anything… but hey I know stuff about a lot of things right..? I have met people similar to me, but also those who are deeply focused on a few things and I sometimes envy that ability to become an expert in a few things…but sometimes I appreciate the way I am and how I like trying new things as it has made me a well rounded person. Maybe I just haven’t found my “calling” or maybe my calling is to just immerse myself in many different things and just be the sort of master of none/jack of all trades…this is a lot of rambling but this is also what goes through my head a lot so it’s kind of nice to put it down somewhere.

I think I want to try to focus on some stuff this year and see how that goes. I feel like I’m still going to venture off and try to cover more topics but let’s see. I also think that sometimes I get like this because of the constant change that occurs in my life. Going from classes to coop to studying abroad back to coop to classes to cooping out of Boston is kind of a lot and gives a lot of opportunities for trying new things, and meeting new people, finding new interests…maybe it circles around when I have a full time job and have time to take it a bit slower and focus. Not sure!!!! I think everyone is different and it will be a different experience for each person and may also depend on someone’s background and what they might be used to. It’s pretty cool to just learn about where people come from and use that to understand why they are the way they are.

Some things I want to learn/focus on are:

  • Writing more — this has been super helpful to just putting down thoughts and keeping myself accountable and not bottling things up. Not getting too crazy about it such that I spend exorbitant amounts of time making everything perfect since it does not have to be.
  • Staying fit — finding a sport or workout routine I want to stick with
  • Learning about a new topic in CS — I decided to take a humanities class my final semester instead of another CS course as I know there are many classes online I can take, and I would like to uphold to that take and complete one or a few to learn new material so that I don’t regret not taking the CS class instead.
  • Working on a personal CS project to keep up and learn new skills
  • Understanding more about politics and keeping up with news — I think I have started to do a much better job of that this year and I want to stay with it and read and understand more and especially tie it back to history classes I have loved in the past
  • Understanding and learning more about the stock market/managing money
  • Traveling and experiencing new cultures!! Traveling excites me greatly and I always want to learn about people and understand how their lives may differ or be similar to mine and piece together the world
  • Start to find my niche in CS — I get hung up on trying to learn about so many topics and at some point I think I should start refining my skills in a certain area
  • Becoming more comfortable with speaking my mind and explaining my thoughts to people when something is upsetting me
  • Learn how to be a leader in my community as it will change (even if I stay in Boston) once I leave Northeastern and HackBeanpot
  • Doing things with a purpose — a big lesson from HackBeanpot I have learned 🙂 I think that when it comes to buying things (that Fast Fashion episode hit home lol), agreeing to activities, figuring out what to do with my time, maintaining existing relationships and creating new ones, etc. I want to take a more curated approach so that I can have good experiences for myself, help others, and work to reach my goals.

I don’t know if this is too much stuff to keep track of in one year or some arbitrary timeline but I think it’s kind of an ~iterative~ process and doing some periodic reflection will help me see how this is going!!

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